Then again I never knew.
I asked and asked but you never really told me.
I always felt it, but my selfishness never allowed me to really believe. and we both know you couldn’t settle for average, for medium, but it’s alright cause tonight I’ll fool myself thinking that you tried. Never again you swore to your life , but im gonna fool myself thinking that you read my madness every once in a blue moon.  And even if you don’t, it’s also okey cause all my other spammers hoping to sell me Viagra will know. I need to get it out, out of every broken piece of my heart, I need to accept. then I’m gonna fool myself that you still feel, not love, cause it was never love, or at least not the kind I have for you. Im not sure if you ever really knew me at all. You, like many others in my life, only assumed and misunderstood. and now you will always think of me as just another guy along the line, but you wear never just that to me, and this will hunt me forever. You never truly believed that I have no politics, no agenda, and no intrigue. I’m who I am; no lies and no bullshit. but it’s okay cause I’ll fool myself to believe that u sometimes did saw that in me and knew that the lies where just stupidity along with the other words.  You never really saw that I meant every word, that I fucking love you all the way, that there’s no getting past you , that I miss you like hell and when I came to my senses it was too god fuckin damn late. i believe everyone deserve a chance no matter what and no one has the right to take that away. If I had done anything then I could not have lived with myself no more.  But that’s also okay cause I’m gonna fool myself believing that if you had let it , if we had tried , if I was more patient we would have grown together. Cause we were just frigging awesome, hand in hand, singing the lamest songs in the middle of street, sharing ice cream with Mr. Radish, that’s what we were.  So I’m gonna fool myself believing that somewhere along, our paths will cross yet again.
But again, I’m just fooling myself.
Life is waiting out the window, you just have to open up and let it in she said.  But then she never knew you or knew what it was like being with you.
Regrets? I fuckin loved very epsilon second of it, even the fights felt beautiful so Im gonna fool myself some more believing that you enjoyed some of it as well.
Then again I wish we have had a second date. Cause we only had one, and I hope that sets a standard for everyone who follows as that’s what you deserve and nothing less.
Then again I wish I had seen you more in that dress, the one I loved, the one I held you in while our lips first touched.
Then again I wish I had hold you longer on that last day and kissed you more. Cause we always forget of what we have.
Then again I wish you had taken the time to get to X uploading songs on my ipod playlist (: .
but no. no regrets. just amazing memories forever.
I always wondered if I really truly meant when I told you I want your happiness even if I’m miserable. Today, at this very moment with every broken piece of my heart I say that I meant every word, that all I want is for you to be happy. To know that you have that smile upon your face again; Even if I’m not there to see it. cause you have four smiles, has anyone ever told you that?  The one that you do when you are worried but try to be nice, the one when you are being evil, the one when you are just indifferent and finally the one that I love;  the one that you mean it from deep down.

Now I know.
I wish you nothing but happiness, nothing but success. And if anyone ever treated you bad , or if you ever felt lonely or sad , know that you always have my heart. Know that someone somewhere out there loves you more than anything in this world. Know that, wherever life takes me or whatever I do you’ll always be my everything all the time.

I’m not okay
but I opened the window knowing that you are smiling, albeit only rain came in. but that’s okay as well, cause my life has always been a little wet.

w

MAR 31 , 2009 2:52 am
–  “I love you…”
–  “I was just thinking about it.”
– “There s nothing to think about…
believe…i wanna make you happy…
it’s raining again…
I’m lost… show me how … guide me…
more and more rain… now pouring…
i wish i had kissed you before you left…
my tires splashing… rain…
miss you even more “