It was like what he always imagined. new faces but old stories. as if his whole universe had gone through a makeover! well not necessarily to make it prettier. but to change it, to give it a facelift! some parts he could recognize immediately; hot burger was now borger hut! he sure was going to miss it. no, not the things that had not happened yet, not new rides
and new dramas but the things he took for granted. the endless nights on roads, the laughters and talks and the every other seconds of it that he thought would last forever.
looked around, took a glimpse at the stranger in the mirror staring right into his eyes! his eyes looked tired at the early hour. he was dressed in a worn dirty denims, his shirt crumpled from his drive. his short hair dishevelled , his jaw unshaven for days, stress lines and a bump on his forehead. he looked more closely trying to find a familiar face, trying to recognize the picture in the mirror. but alas, he didnt know the guy in the mirror anymore.
it was just not him!

2:30 am and he was still awake,
he usually could sleep whenever and in whatever situation,
a break from all realities anytime he wished!
but not tonight! tonight he was loosing his sole superpower!
sound of traffic, low humming of the damn fridge, gentle drip of the tab , high-pitched squealing of a mosquito and constant arguing of the couple next door were perhaps the reasons.
or maybe it was just him and his thoughts.
maybe he was just too tired to sleep.
maybe it was just the fear,
merciless mosquito!
staring out the awkwardly positioned window, he enjoyed the amazing view. nothingness covered by lights and shadows!  the window faced the exterior of opposite building just less than a feet away! revealing nothing but walls. the building walls were lit by  dim street lights just a few stories below. he wondered how many people , just on the other side of that wall, are tring to survive. survive , survive , survive… we are all just tring to survive arnt we?! adopt and survive! a broken piece of cornish , just above the window, had definitely survived. he could only see as much details as the darkness alowed him to. but it was definitely there and was the only standing evidence of a once decorated cornish surrounding the walls.
the stronger one!
what if there was no time?

He stood there; just gazing into her eyes.
to him, it was as if there’s a whole different world behind those eyes…
pain in his back now almost unbearable
answers to his unspoken questions just rolling around in his mind…
god damnit i shouldn’t be explaining this
he sighs… he has to focus now…
now not then
“everyone gets to this point” nervously he looks around…
distractions everywhere…
focus ,focus focus…
“ups and downs…
evidently honeymoon is over,
here comes the hard part,
the part that actually matters!”
words playing around on his tongue like a content pig… just not wanin to get out…

“no one’s happy all the time… it’s getting thorough those unhappy times that matter… ”
What if she’s never happy…
the song… something about that song…
keep the heels down… i shall remember
his thoughts scattered in the universe of his mind… as lost as always.
smell of her perfume distracts him momentarily.
he sure is gonna miss it…
focus, focus , focus… just this once
“i’m not perfect, neither are you!” he clears his already clear throat.
“the rest is all up to you” distractions everywhere, a stain on his shirt grabs on eventually.
his answers in front of him, they always are.
sometimes he just decides not to see them.
why am i explainin this?
again ,again, again
Something about the damn song!
he looks at her face, her jaws moving now. looks closer, her lips also moving.
Words coming out, but he just can’t hear them!
Speak lauder damn it!
She’s talking, putting a sound to the words already twirling on his mind.
But he’s now 7 again. Playing with the snow, on the rooftop of that 50 years old building…
his mom calling but he’s just not there anymore…

Perhaps she was right…
there are alternate dimensions…
in one of which he was there…
standing … staring… playing
then but not now… not here

“Hayko!!” she screamed while tossing her crop at Hayko!
he looked at her from top trying to gain control as he enjoyed
the ride. he knew he would finally get to canter if he showed he
can take control.
“you are trotting too fast!”
“1,2…1,2…1,2…” she repeated hoping he would go with the rhythm.
he looked ahead, smiling from bottom of his heart after all this time.
he was happy. Nothing had turned out the way he wanted but he
was happy again.there was just so much left to do…
so much left to say…
he shortened his reins and pulled them back, now barely walking he
looked down as he felt the four-beat gait. Slowly but firmly he
caressed his upper neck, stroked behind his ears and on the withers.
“good boy!” he whispered in his ear.

I’m coming up only to hold you under

“sleep will come…”
“But when?” he wondered as he waited for sleep to take away his soul and mind…
darkness was awaiting him on the other side…
depression loomed with the  break of dawn check broken links

Once upon a time there was no one but the one. He was the one with a world full of loneliness but in return he owned the magic colors. Dark and bright, cold and warm, all and all the colors were in his magic box. But he was fed up by all the cold and darkness. So he thought if he can magic with all these magic colors to create a world of beauties then…
he picked the color-box and took out all the colors. He had to do something about all the darkness. he picked up the magic yellow and drew a beautiful bright circle at the top of the page. expidoms Now everywhere was bright but there was nothing to be seen.  He picked up blue and poured it on the page. Suddenly the sound of waves on top of each other broke the silence of his world. This was the sound of the sea; The sound of blue waters. Where’s the brown that has to become mountains?  He found the brown color and the mountains rose from the paper. Then he drew springs from top of browns down to the blues. When he picked up the green, trees grew tall and fresh grass filled up the spaces. It was turn for flowers, then moon and stars, then turn for clouds, snow and rain… but he… he was still alone…
he thought what if he make a big magic… what if he mixes all the color…
so he mixed all the colors, and he formed a new magic that had hands and legs but they didn’t move. It had eyes but it didn’t see. It had lips but it didn’t talk, it didn’t smile.
He was still alone. He cried and just when he had given up all hopes, his tears made the magic’s heart beat. The magic moved. Smiled and then cried. Ran and then sat. The magic promised to always be with him. The magic slept and woke up. Worked and fell in love. Lied and became spiteful. Killed and shattered the trees; Smashed the grass and left.
Once upon a time the one was still with a world full of loneliness although he was not alone anymore. 
So I will…
head out alone and hope for the best…

He looked closely trying to figure out her eye color as she danced playfully alone in the middle of the living room. Her friends were by now either gone or in other rooms minding their own business. With a lot of struggle he reached out for his glass on the table.  The whiskey now mixed with melted ice tasted bitter but he was too drunk to get a fresh glass. His back pain was not there anymore but he wondered how bad the pain would be once he wakes up in the morning.  He knew exactly what he had to say. He knew exactly what he needed to do. If was funny how he had daydreamed about the exact same scenario, just few hours earlier, on his way to the hotel. domain mentions . As he enjoyed the irony, he remembered that his car is still with the hotel valet miles away from where he currently was. Trying to think clearly, he wondered how the hell he even got here! But that didn’t matter anymore cause by now, she was almost dancing on his lap. She turned her head, directly looking into his eyes. God only if he could figure out the color of her eyes. She took a puff of her cigarette, paused, and blew the smoke into his face. Only if she knew how much he hated that. He pushed her off and stormed out of the room into the balcony. The change in the temperature made him feel sick. He had drink way past his limit. He held the fences tight just trying to avoid throwing up.  He looked into the swimming pool perhaps 10 to 14 floors exactly below where he was standing.  The temptation of jumping was taking over every molecule of his body.
“What just happened?” she immaculately asked with just her head out of the balcony door.
But he had already left this planet by now drunkenly thinking “would we really die when we die?”

he gazed into the crowd, but he saw nothing. she was there , they were there but he didn’t see a thing. in fact he hasn’t seen anything for a while now.
he listened to the noises , but he heard nuthin. peple were cheerin, clapping and givin hazy speeches but he didnt heard a thing, in fact he hasn’t heard much lately either.
he was standing among others. Acting like others, but he was not there. Indeed he has not even been there for a while now. As if it’s just a swirly dream, he could hear bliss as the background music. In front of him, he could see ants swimming in the ocean. And he , he was driving on a twirly endless road towards the darkness with headlights off. moon was at its full glory, lighting up the road ahead of him.
but it wasn’t a dream, and he wasn’t on the road to nowhere.
he looked above, carefully searching for her. 
“is she biting her nails?” he asked himself.

C`est un mot qu`on dirait inventé pour elle
four years had gone by and he still was as lost as always. As he went through the papers he realized that nothing has changed. The box was still too heavy. He carelessly took out another bunch. Once they meant something, perhaps some sort of physical memories. abuse contacts But now the bench had turn into their graveyard. He had yet to grasp the concept of dealing with unrealities that once seemed real.
Malgré ses grands yeux noirs qui vous ensorcellent
La demoiselle serait-elle encore pucelle 
Sat beside the bench on the ground, He still could vaguely hear the music from his room. It had been a long day.
” What’s next?” he wondered. It was again just the two of them as it has always been. The silent brought him back to earth. He looked around desperate for a sign of life, but it was just the two of them. “So?” he asked!
O Lucifer !
Oh ! laisse moi rien qu`une fois
Glisser mes doigts dans les cheveux d`Esmeralda

Somethings gotta change!
Enraged by the world, he just wanted to scream.  Even if it’s for the last time, he just wanted to try. He didn’t know why, but he missed himself if that’s even possible. It felt as if a million miles distance now separated them. As if his soul and his body lived on different plants.  He was away from himself! And he wondered if there are second chances. ubuntu ftp server If it’s possible to wait until his body and soul are reunited. He didn’t know why, but he wanted to scream! He wanted to say the unsaid until his mind was unruffled! Pity, pity that it’s now too late!  You are not here and he’s drifting in the dark streets of his lonely heart! Even the brushing sound of wind on dead leaves was in wrath with him!

PEACE OUT