Closed the last box,
looked around; sighed and stood up
decided to take a last look
and there it was…
god knows for how long or how l had missed it all along
from then It felt like watching the last episode of your favorite tv show  for hours
cause nothing would/could quiet replace it
no matter what, you’ll miss it all, every episode of every season
you can watch that last episode over and over again or even the entire series
but it will always end the same way
it is what it is
there’s no escape now
so I let go of myself
for all the stupidness
all the joy
all the sadness
and every other moment of it
cause how do you keep it all together
light was gone when I came back to reality
tiles had lost their chill
still in the same position, staring under the bed
in agony reached out for it, bane of my life
held it firm; deciding where to go from here
then left it back in the darkness
where it belongs
cause after all
a half empty jar of pickles could not be the worst welcoming gift for the new people page monitor .

Lately, I spend most of my time at work daydreaming about how my life would be different if I were a spaceman. And by lately I mean this past week. So much happened in such a short time that I feel I might actually be one.

somehow

Just drifting into space and landing back when my life is not the life I knew before. Somewhere along the way I lost her; my only bond with sanity. how to buy domains the place was not there anymore; John and George , my only saviors at work, vanished into thin air in front of my eyes and I didn’t realize. my responsibilities at work, which to my surprise I enjoyed doing, were changed to the most tedious and stupid position ever. I spend most of the drive back, which now has almost no purpose to it, struggling with back pain. And just when I thought the worst is over, as a Thursday special, I came down with the weirdest flu since this morning.  (“Thankfully not swine, checked in with the doctor”)

then she opened up and cried, and all my carp seemed almost childish and absurd.
The sad part was, the only thing on my mind was my shuttle and a way back to space!

“IT’S ALL IN YOUR MIND!”

entered the room and he was just looking out the window
ignored the awkwardness and just sat at my desk
logged in my computer and browsed into my mail
no surprises
“my daughter is too busy to talk to me”
and he became a person to me
I don’t know why I think of them this way
as in they have just been the way they are since it begun
I don’t understand anyone
what’s wrong with me?
how could this be
they are all surrogates
it was not just a movie but a reality
there is a something beneath all of them
had lost a 16 years old child 2 years ago
his only son
and he ran
cause how do you live after a part of you
your son
vanishes
dies
in front of your eyes
cause that’s what we all do
just as human as me
said there’s no escape
but we all run
is this my world?
am I the only one living?
how much of it I control?
had he passed the test?
cause its just a big old silly test! Isn’t it?
all the choices in the world
is this what will become of me?
someday
somehow
of all the choices in the world
will I break me?
silent

Not too long ago,
on a day exactly like this one,
I was given a soul,
not too sure why yet
not too sure for what yet
but im sure some part of it has something to do with you
I’ve given up hoping you will ever see that somehow though
and this year was probably the shittiest birthday I have had
but It was indeed a happy birthday
cause I got to spent it with you new domain names .

endless road;
once it was his only way out,
once it was his relief,
but now this road,
this road was just separating him from her,
and he hated every brick of it,
every lane,
every other car on it,
and every dim yellow light on it!
he hated it all cause they all stood between them
and pain in his back didn’t make it easier,
he couldn’t stop wondering though,
what if it wasn’t like this?
how would he have known?
and what would have his passenger done?
was he the reason for it all?
how depended are the independents? new domain names .

I skipped grade 5 ,
and my life has been on fast forward mood ever since.
I’m pretty sure that was when everything started to go wrong!  
there almost is never enough time to understand it!
there almost is never enough time to live it,
there almost is never enough time to think it through!
not that I do much or I am in anyway busy.
I skipped grade 12,
and my life has become an impossible puzzle ever since.
I m pretty sure that’s when they teach you how to handle it all
cause I find myself in situations that are my worst nightmares
cause I find myself fallin apart
cause I find myself out of control
not that I have many responsibilities or there’s much going on
So u see, im unstable and confused!
I don’t know what I want!

things have changed!
you are not you anymore,
you are this you that I asked you to become!
but I miss you! Not the person ive made , but you!

I know baby! Im contradicting myself again!  how to buy domains

It all comes down to fractions of a second
all that we worry about will be meaningless
all that we run for will just vanish
and that’s when I wonder , why do we run at all?
why do we bother?  And what’s next after nothing?
what’s next after that second, they will try their best but
but what if they cant? And what if they can?
what if they save you? Would you still run?
and she told me its for family,
its for the one person you will matter the most to
its to give that person all you always wanted
all you never had
but what if that’s not what they want or need?
it all comes down to fractions of a second
and I wonder how uneducated we are
how our humanity fails us sometimes
how our curiosity can make us restless
and why do we see? What do we want to see?
it’s our curiosity that makes us see,
it is not us but it’s him! The curios one!  
it all comes down to fractions of a second
can you justify?
all for one? Or even maybe all for a few?
how do we measure?
who comes first? 
who measures and who decides if it matters?
and what is the one’s measurement scale
It all comes down to fractions of a second! new domain names .

Beneath the silver moon , he stood on a dodgy ground
as lost as always , finding a way out was his only purpose
there’s got to be some sort of balance ,
you can’t have all that you want,
it’s not how the world is suppose to work ,
people only get what they need to have ,
what they deserve to have!
he was part of them now! He had to abide by their rules.

But without her, what would keep him on the ground?
Without her, what would make him abide?
Without her, what else would he want from this place?

 But who said the world is supposed to work? liechtenstein .

And I’ve become just a part of them
part of the system, someone just inside the box
someone like them, invisible!
and I wonder when did my thoughts became so daily and ordinary
and I wonder when did my needs, my wants, my dreams became so earthly

Please don’t ask me why!

Then she was gone
and he knew he would be miserable for the longest time
maybe just if things were a little different
maybe in a parallel universe
maybe only if she knew how much
but she was just gone
the new place seemed a little less shiny than when he moved in just less than a day before
the freshly painted walls screamed her name
the ceilings were star less
and although she hadn’t even stared into them yet,
they missed her eyes;
120m² of loneliness no matter how many people fill the place.